They were right, having them close and at the ready on the fly is exactly what I need. Some of that old pain and anger has been playing trixy with my mind today. Four years of work on this issue and it still gets me sometimes. Surprised, I caught myself deep in "stinking thinking today."
Gosh, how does that still creep in and hijack my amygdala. 90 seconds lost to tripe. Slow deep breaths... eyes close ... more deep breaths as I begin the Gayatri Mantra.
Om bhur bhuvah suvahtat savitur vareṇyaṃbhargo devasya dhīmahidhiyo yó naḥ pracodayāt
The Robert Fox interpretation
"O Effulgent Light of creation! Let the Sun of Truth illuminate my divinity. And meditation allow my thoughts to be inspired by Thee."
I was really expressing some old anger today. Thankfully it was merely to myself. And, even this is not good practice to sit in it for long. I managed to recognize what was happening in the moment and make a shift to joyful living. I pondered awhile though on the strength of the venom I was generating. This, the one thing I still have not faced or allowed many feelings expression over it. This a particularly sour and tough lime to grind.
Careful to steer clear of victim thinking, I allowed myself a structured amount of time to "feel" about the situation. Then, no more. Instead I dove into some tough questions.
- What fear is at the root of my anger?
- Where have I agreed with the situation when a more healthy response from me would have been more prudent?
- Where have I freely given away my power?
- What is my personal payoff for choosing to give my power away?
- How does this situation serve me?
- What actions can I take on my own behalf that will ensure I keep myself safe?
- If I allow this situation to continue as it presently exists, what might it look like in the future?
These Affirmations come to heart:
- I am fully capable and willing to act on my own behalf to keep myself safe in any situation.
- I am adept at spotting energy manipulation from others.
- When I call upon my voice, it is always there for me.
- I express myself clearly and well in any situation.
- It is right and good that I have boundaries.
- If people choose to cross my boundaries, I have choices.
- I create my reality.
- I create my experiences.
- The meaning of the communication is the results that I get.
I was once taught that if you look deeply enough into any given situation where-in you find yourself experiencing anger ... look deeper still and you will discover that a fear is hiding there.This teacher went up to a chalkboard and drew the cap of a mushroom and then its stem. They labeled the cap with "Anger" and the stem with "Fear."
One of the most helpful lessons ever given to me by an instructor to this day. It's an invaluable self check-in.
I'm so grateful today that I am not at the effect of my life, my emotions, or my thoughts. The most they ever get from me is 90 seconds. That's how long you are duped by the amygdala response system - and after that, you have full choice. My boyfriend is my hero on this one. He's gotten so good at identifying the actual sensation that occurs at the beginning of an amygdala hijack that he can even stop it before it gets started and has a chance to take root. He is often able to bypass the whole event. I'm getting there.
(I'll come back and add some exercises I plan to implement in order to work through this stuff. May it be of service to you as well.)
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