His love falls softly into my heart. It reaches every nook and cranny, every aching place, every particle of hope, every forgotten dream, every burgeoning expression of my own love. It soothes and whispers to all of me ... inviting a different experience ... inviting my vulnerability.
I'm standing in the kitchen, hands on either side of the sink, heart in a knot, tears just below the surface - tears that won't come. My throat aches with them and it feels like a plum pit has somehow become lodged there. I want it gone. Every part of me is involved in the experience of sorrow and the rage I've carried for four years. I want to be angry. Anger stuffs sadness under the rug. I want ... ohh I don't know what I want. I just don't want to feel this rage. I want peace.
He tells me I've already overcome it ... I'm overcoming it now.
"No I'm not. I haven't dealt with it at all. That's why it's still here. That's why I feel this way. But it's different now. It feels somehow different - like the lid has blown off the pressure cooker and it's all right here, it's all I can see and feel. I don't want this ... I want to be done with it."
I look up ... across the pass-through counter to him. He's sitting at our dining table. Our eyes connect and I "feel" his love pour into me through them. A part of me wants to turn away ... avert my gaze. It's too hard to let myself be softened. It scares me.
I give in to this fear and go back to cooking our meal ... try to forget ... to distract myself ... to stuff these thoughts and feelings.
Bless his beautiful heart, I should have known he wouldn't let that happen. I turn and he's there. He wraps his arms around me and simply says "I love you."
Something about the way he says it always transforms it from simple words into a healing balm. I feel it. I know it. I can't avoid it ..... and I'm so, so grateful for that.
I cling to him, feeling, reeling, and finally I give in to my heart. I sit down on its throne and all at once the immediate pain subsides. Just like that. I smile at him, he smiles back. He goes back to his work, and I to mine.
I'm standing at the sink again. I think of the water ... live giving ... healing. It's like love ... there's no place it can't go and no thing that will not give way to it's path. Even stone, given time will yield the path for water to travel. My heart feels like that stone tonight, and even it must yield the path for love.
I called this man to me before we even met. I called this love and summoned it forth. I am ready for it. I am willing to heal.
I think sometimes when we resist love, it's not because we "want" to resist it. It's because we want to see what will happen when we do. What will our own heart say? It's kind of like our way of checking weather we are truly ready or not. If we resist our own vulnerability and opening with our actions, will our heart speak up and say ... "I'm no longer willing to resist. I am ready to open."
If you are ready to open your heart more fully too, here are a few things I'm doing that may also support you in your own process:
An Open Heart Holds the Key to Healing
"Until we see with the eyes of the Heart, listen to the roar of the world through the ears of the Heart, and peer into the future with the comprehension of the Heart, we can never know a thing, nor will we ever be whole. The Heart unites us all, regardless of our differences, in this common understanding, and brings compassion to our troubled world. " - Agni Yoga teaching
Yoga that Opens the Heart
Gentle backbends are a great way to encourage the heart to open as they open the front-body, including your heart, chest, throat, etc. These may be done with the support of blocks and bolsters if you choose. Bridge Pose is my favorite! It really opens me up.
A few other options include fish pose, dhanurasa, and urdhva dhanurasana.
Adding a mantra of your making, or holding an empowering image in your minds eye will really bring a rich fullness to your experience. Mine is simple: "I Am Ready to Open My Heart", and I envision a sunflower. (I used to pretend I was a sunflower growing and reaching for the sun when I was little) It connects me with my child heart.
Vibrational Allies
Working with crystals and gemstones is a great support to me. I use Emerald & Rose Quartz together. The heart chakra resonates well to the colors of green and pink. Pink stones, such as rose quartz, resonate with the "higher" heart, or thymus chakra and assist in ones receptiveness to divine love, forgiveness, and the release of fear. Green emeralds have a lovely heart based energy and are a powerful aid for women as they bring through Goddess energy. These green stones also help us step more fully into feelings of unconditional love and compassion.
Archangel Chamuel: The Loving One
Another fabulous support to you may be found in working with Archangel Chamuel. This is the archangel of the pink ray of divine love. Simply a light one or more pink candles, hold some rose quartz, and begin praying to Chamuel. Alternatively you may lay back in a comfortable position and place the rose quartz upon your heart chakra.
He tells me I've already overcome it ... I'm overcoming it now.
"No I'm not. I haven't dealt with it at all. That's why it's still here. That's why I feel this way. But it's different now. It feels somehow different - like the lid has blown off the pressure cooker and it's all right here, it's all I can see and feel. I don't want this ... I want to be done with it."
I look up ... across the pass-through counter to him. He's sitting at our dining table. Our eyes connect and I "feel" his love pour into me through them. A part of me wants to turn away ... avert my gaze. It's too hard to let myself be softened. It scares me.
I give in to this fear and go back to cooking our meal ... try to forget ... to distract myself ... to stuff these thoughts and feelings.
Bless his beautiful heart, I should have known he wouldn't let that happen. I turn and he's there. He wraps his arms around me and simply says "I love you."
Something about the way he says it always transforms it from simple words into a healing balm. I feel it. I know it. I can't avoid it ..... and I'm so, so grateful for that.
I cling to him, feeling, reeling, and finally I give in to my heart. I sit down on its throne and all at once the immediate pain subsides. Just like that. I smile at him, he smiles back. He goes back to his work, and I to mine.
I'm standing at the sink again. I think of the water ... live giving ... healing. It's like love ... there's no place it can't go and no thing that will not give way to it's path. Even stone, given time will yield the path for water to travel. My heart feels like that stone tonight, and even it must yield the path for love.
I called this man to me before we even met. I called this love and summoned it forth. I am ready for it. I am willing to heal.
I think sometimes when we resist love, it's not because we "want" to resist it. It's because we want to see what will happen when we do. What will our own heart say? It's kind of like our way of checking weather we are truly ready or not. If we resist our own vulnerability and opening with our actions, will our heart speak up and say ... "I'm no longer willing to resist. I am ready to open."
If you are ready to open your heart more fully too, here are a few things I'm doing that may also support you in your own process:
An Open Heart Holds the Key to Healing
"Until we see with the eyes of the Heart, listen to the roar of the world through the ears of the Heart, and peer into the future with the comprehension of the Heart, we can never know a thing, nor will we ever be whole. The Heart unites us all, regardless of our differences, in this common understanding, and brings compassion to our troubled world. " - Agni Yoga teaching
Yoga that Opens the Heart
Gentle backbends are a great way to encourage the heart to open as they open the front-body, including your heart, chest, throat, etc. These may be done with the support of blocks and bolsters if you choose. Bridge Pose is my favorite! It really opens me up.
A few other options include fish pose, dhanurasa, and urdhva dhanurasana.
Adding a mantra of your making, or holding an empowering image in your minds eye will really bring a rich fullness to your experience. Mine is simple: "I Am Ready to Open My Heart", and I envision a sunflower. (I used to pretend I was a sunflower growing and reaching for the sun when I was little) It connects me with my child heart.
Vibrational Allies
Working with crystals and gemstones is a great support to me. I use Emerald & Rose Quartz together. The heart chakra resonates well to the colors of green and pink. Pink stones, such as rose quartz, resonate with the "higher" heart, or thymus chakra and assist in ones receptiveness to divine love, forgiveness, and the release of fear. Green emeralds have a lovely heart based energy and are a powerful aid for women as they bring through Goddess energy. These green stones also help us step more fully into feelings of unconditional love and compassion.
Archangel Chamuel: The Loving One
Another fabulous support to you may be found in working with Archangel Chamuel. This is the archangel of the pink ray of divine love. Simply a light one or more pink candles, hold some rose quartz, and begin praying to Chamuel. Alternatively you may lay back in a comfortable position and place the rose quartz upon your heart chakra.
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