Mini Series: Shifting Shame to Empowerment - Part II - Building Attentional Skills

Hello Beautiful Infinite Beings!

Yesterday we talked about "attention" and "noticing." Today I'm going to expand on that by sharing the different types of attention and how they can be put to work for you to create awesomeness! This amazing work comes from Dr. Les Fehmi. While I tend to apply this body of knowledge differently, I am so grateful for his magnificent contribution to humanity in doing this work. Without further ado ...

Attention to Attention - Focusing Styles
Let's now look at the various ways we pay attention and the impact of those various styles on our life experience. It may surprise you how many styles of "attention" are available to us.

• The scope of attentionThe scope of our attention, viewed objectively, extends from a spherical and unlimited diffuse attention (Horizontally) at one end to a narrow scope and focus of attention at the other. 

• Proximity to experienceThe scope of our attention, viewed objectively, extends from absorbed or immersed attention at the top (Vertically) to attention which is objective or separate from the contents of our attention.

When we divide attention in this manner, we see that it creates four quadrants, and each is ruled by a particular style or set of of attentional characteristics.

• Diffuse or Broad AttentionAs an extreme style of attention, Diffuse Attention is associated with an all-around, three dimensional, simultaneous and equal attention to all available external and internal stimuli and the space in which they occur.

• Narrow or Pointed AttentionNarrow attention refers to an awareness of a limited sub-set of available stimuli to the exclusion of the other stimuli. The extreme of "narrow focused" attention is one-pointed attention.

• Immersed or Absorbed AttentionThe extreme of immersed attention refers to a way of relating to available experience such that the person paying attention enters into union with or becomes totally absorbed in the experience.

• Objective or Separate AttentionThe extreme of objective attention occurs when the self is completely remote from the contents of attention, disconnected from single or multisensory experience of the attender, without empathy or intuition (into-it-ness). 

Extremes of "objective or separate" attention are associated with coldness where as extreme "immersed or absorbed" attention may be associated with warmth and closeness, full immersion in ongoing single or multisensory experience.

Those of you following along in this mini-series will want to remember these attentional styles so they may act as allies in the shift you are creating from Shame to Empowerment.

Stay tuned for my next post when we dive deeper still into the "how" of creating an extraordinary life!

Mini Series: Shifting Shame to Empowerment - Free Your Inner Greatness

Hello Beautiful Infinite Beings!

Negative self talk is very common for many people in the world today. Shame is a common theme. While on the outside many people may seem well packaged and put together, deep within is a rather active judge who takes a critical eye to every action and in-action.

We have all experienced Judge Shame to one degree or another. In some cases, shame can get so powerful, it actually drives our lives. This is clearly evident when we explore our inner dialog. Exploring your inner dialog is something you can do for yourself. If you see yourself on a regular basis as worthless, an idiot unworthy of love, respect, affection, or success, this is a clear indicator that Judge Shame has moved in and now directs most every facet of your life. When it becomes this pervasive, it can be difficult to see just how deeply rooted shame has become. It acts like a strangling vine that moves through our inner landscape and wraps its tendrils around our beauty, power to create, and our joy. It does not have to be this way.

If Judge Shame is strangling the joy out of your life, you need not feel trapped with no way out. You can shift your experience from suffering to empowerment with a few simple tools. The first tool we are going to look at in this series is our "attention."

The first tool we can pick up and put to use is our attention. Engaging in the activity of "active attention" (noticing) is the first step. Nothing more; just simply notice. Make a conscious agreement with yourself - in this very moment - to simply "Notice" your inner dialog as often as it is possible for you to do so. Don't trouble yourself at this point with "doing" anything about the things you notice. Simply "noticing" will set things in motion. With practice, your "noticing" skills will increase over time. There is nothing else to do at this point. Anyone can do this. All it takes is "willingness" on your part.

I won't kid you though, if you are serious about shifting from shame to empowerment, you're going to have to want it like you want air. You are going to have to want it so much that even on those days where you are sick to death of noticing this stuff about yourself, you generate a willingness to continue doing it anyway. Simple; not easy.

What should I be noticing?
Begin to notice what your inner dialog is every time you experience fear, failure, rejection, anger, or sadness. Notice, when you say things like, "I am so: stupid, careless, worthless, crazy, or useless." Notice what shows up in your inner dialog when you use the words: "can't, won't, try, just, maybe, if, only, because, why, or but."

If you would like to shift your experience from shame to empowerment, decide today to begin practicing your noticing skills and follow along here as we unpack and move through the stages of this powerful shift!

Stay tuned to this powerful series as Sophlili Achnil of Xstatic Now shares the actions and tools she has discovered along her own journey from shame to Freeing Your Inner Greatness!

Shifting Relationship to Partnership

Hello Beautiful Infinite Beings!

I have been doing a lot of new inner work with the Divine Mother in the last three months. One of the things She has brought to my attention is the word "partnership" and it's distinctive meaning. Goddess invited me to consider the distinction between what it means to be in relationship, as well as what it means to be in partnership. I sat with each word and contemplated all the associations I have with each word.

As I sat with the word relationship, I noticed there is an inherent lack of choice hidden in that word for me and it is experienced as kind of a "static" given. In other-words, it conjures for me a set of governing rules that I have unconsciously adopted from my family, friends, peers, and the mainstream media. These rules were inherited, not consciously chosen by me. They answer the question, "Who or what am I ... in relation to - that over there. How will I respond to "that over there." It seems to draw lines of separation and urge me to compare this to that, myself to them, the past with the present, and the present with my imaginings of the future. It has a static quality that demands its use in any situation - regardless of the subtle nuances of my here/now experience. It conjures for me a sense of helplessness, lack of personal contemplation, and personal choice. It also seems to bear a sense of duty. Like, "I don't like this but this is what is RIGHT to do." This notion offends my soul.

As I sat with this new word, partnership, a very different set of associations revealed themselves to me. I could see that partnership is inclusive and generates harmony, sharing, flow, commitment, peace, happiness, co-creation, care, attentiveness, responsible stewardship, and active choice. For me, partnership is a set of agreements I have thoughtfully and consciously entered into with myself for how I will co-create with all aspects of myself and the world around me. It honors connection by acknowledging that how I think and choose to act - affects everything around me ... because it is all a part of me and I a part of it. Everything I create, be it words, actions, non-actions, or choices generates consequences for myself and everything else.

So, I began to exchange the word relationship for partnership. When I did this, it transformed how I see and hold my world. It infused me with a deeper understanding of my own responsibility and accountability for what I create. Now I create partnership with all aspects of myself and my life. I have a partnership of emotion which has transformed the way I experience even the most unsavory of these.

For example, I have created and developed a partnership with my fears. Instead of experiencing fear as an undesirable emotion, I now have a relation to it of partnership where it acts as an ally to signal me it is time to shift my awareness.

Sometimes this shift is aimed at creating actions which will transform an area of my life that is out of balance. Other times it acts as a signal to me that I have climbed aboard the worry-go-round and am future-casting or living in a past experience. It reminds me that I have shifted out of the now and allows me to choose to come back into the present moment. When in the present moment, it becomes clear that the fear is unsubstantiated. What was true then, is not true here and now. Just because it was true then, does not in any way mean it is or will be true now. I have choice. I am a powerful creator and I may choose to create my experiences any way I desire. I am not at the effect of my story. I begin from a deep internal sense of Whole and Complete, and I move my energy out into the world through my creations. The outcome I have experienced in the past, is free to be just that. (a past experience)

Goddess showed me that partnership transforms any emotion previously experienced as undesirable, into a powerful ally.

What are some of the ways in which you have transformed difficult emotions into allies?

OR

In what areas of your life experience do you consciously create partnership and when did that way of BEING with your own life begin? How were you introduced to it?

Copyright © 2012 Sophlili Achnil for Xstatic Now

Kids 10 Minute Belly Breathing Meditation

Belly Breathing for just ten minutes a day will add one more tool to your child's emotional toolbox and help them increase their attention span. Your kids will feel happier and more relaxed in 10 minutes or less, and this skill will serve them their whole life. This is an especially useful tool for parents of children who struggle with expressing appropriate levels of anger and are still learning effective methods of self expression.

For children with a longer concentration span, aim to build up to 10 minutes for this exercise.
For younger children and toddlers, even 3 to 5 breaths is magnificent. Make it fun!

Kids 10 Minute Belly Breathing Meditation

1. You may sit or stand for this - it really makes no difference. 
2. Simply make sure you have straight backs, relaxed shoulders, and your chins tucked in a little, to relax your neck.
3. If you are working with little ones, it will be more fun for them when they can see their belly moving. Place your hands on your belly - just above your belly button, and have them do a little monkey see, monkey do. You want the tips of your middle fingers to be touching lightly, as you exhale and your belly is pushed towards your back.
4. As you breathe in, allow your belly to expand your fingertips will move apart.
5. When you breathe out again, your belly will go back towards your spine and your fingertips will go back together. 
6. A variation for bringing kids awareness of their breath is to lay on your backs and place a toy on each tummy so they can watch the rise and fall of the toy.
7. Another variation to the belly breath is the Balloon Breath.  Have your child imagine that their belly is a balloon.  Ask them the color of the balloon.  Have them experience the balloon growing larger, then smaller, with each breath in, then out.
8. Continue breathing together, for as long as they can hold their attention.

If you’re interested in Mindfulness for Kids, we’d love to connect with you on Facebook and Twitter!

90 to Joyful: How to Transform an Amygdalla Hijack into The Joy Response

As we all know, what we think about influences our emotional state. Holding positive thoughts can become a real challenge when our amygdalla (the part of our brain responsible for cueing us to danger) gets hijacked by someone, or something, pressing one of our hot buttons. These hijacks last 90 seconds - during which time, our ability to shut them down is severely impaired, or is it? What can be done?

It's not like we can break in the middle of a board meeting for a 20 minute meditation to bring us back to our joy. Even a two minute break may not always be possible in the moment. When internal worry or external circumstances cause us to experience excessive stress, the amygdalla releases a flood of chemicals into our bloodstream that activate the fight or flight response system responsible for protecting us from harm. When these chemicals start to flow, there is actually a physical sensation that can be observed at the base of the skull. The pulse quickens, the mind races, the breath catches and causes us to breathe shallow in the upper part of our lungs. Awareness of this breath is the key to freedom!
 
There's a reason that so many spiritual traditions direct our focus to our breath. Breath is the regulator of emotion. If you pay close attention, every emotion has its own breathing pattern.

We can learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of an amygdala hijack and use it as a mental cue to check our breath. Practice learning to identify the Amygdala Hijack breathing pattern. I promise, it's pretty easy once you call your attention to it. Once you have learned to identify it, you can make good use of its signals. Once identified, you can use this physical cue to circumvent the hijack and gain a new level of mastery over your emotions. Access to this mastery is found in your breath.

As soon as you notice you are being hijacked, breathe deep into your belly and on the exhale say to yourself: "This hijack is not needed. I choose joy. I choose peace. I am not at the effect of my emotions. I am love."

Babies breathe from their bellies naturally. 

The first few breaths will remain shallow, quick, and uneven. Don't let this worry you. Simply keep Belly Breathing. In the space of a few breaths you will become aware that your breath is calming you. Continue the belly breath until you notice that your anger/despair/fear/distress has passed and you are back in your joy.

If when upset, you tend to be a barker (Say rash things) you're going to need to make and keep an agreement with yourself to "Pause for the Cause". In other words, wait to say anything until you are back in your joy. This may be quite challenging to begin with and you may find yourself needing to stop in mid-sentence. This is OK. It's better to stop here than not stop at all. Go easy on yourself. This takes practice. Stay dedicated to your goal.

As your mastery increases a new sense of confidence in your ability to keep yourself safe will emerge. This in turn will feed your ability to continue your practice. Then one day, you will notice that your response to most stressful situations is no longer panic, and instead, it has been replaced by a joy response.


(The Joy Response™ is a trademark of Xstatic Now. All Rights Reserved. © Xstatic Now 2012)

Water Talk

The Mushroom Cap of Anger and Fear

Making over my bathroom today. Nothing serious, just a little long over-due decorating. The crystals whispered to me earlier today; "We all want to be in your bathroom. You need us there right now. Besides, we love the close proximity with water."

They were right, having them close and at the ready on the fly is exactly what I need. Some of that old pain and anger has been playing trixy with my mind today. Four years of work on this issue and it still gets me sometimes. Surprised, I caught myself deep in "stinking thinking today."

Gosh, how does that still creep in and hijack my amygdala. 90 seconds lost to tripe. Slow deep breaths... eyes close ... more deep breaths as I begin the Gayatri Mantra.

Om bhur bhuvah suvahtat savitur vareṇyaṃbhargo devasya dhīmahidhiyo yó naḥ pracodayāt

The Robert Fox interpretation
"O Effulgent Light of creation! Let the Sun of Truth illuminate my divinity. And meditation allow my thoughts to be inspired by Thee."

I was really expressing some old anger today. Thankfully it was merely to myself. And, even this is not good practice to sit in it for long. I managed to recognize what was happening in the moment and make a shift to joyful living. I pondered awhile though on the strength of the venom I was generating. This, the one thing I still have not faced or allowed many feelings expression over it. This a particularly sour and tough lime to grind.

Careful to steer clear of victim thinking, I allowed myself a structured amount of time to "feel" about the situation. Then, no more. Instead I dove into some tough questions.

• What fear is at the root of my anger?
• Where have I agreed with the situation when a more healthy response from me would have been more prudent? 
• Where have I freely given away my power?
• What is my personal payoff for choosing to give my power away?
• How does this situation serve me?
• What actions can I take on my own behalf that will ensure I keep myself safe?
• If I allow this situation to continue as it presently exists, what might it look like in the future?

These Affirmations come to heart:

• I am fully capable and willing to act on my own behalf to keep myself safe in any situation. 
• I am adept at spotting energy manipulation from others.
• When I call upon my voice, it is always there for me.
• I express myself clearly and well in any situation. 
• It is right and good that I have boundaries. 
• If people choose to cross my boundaries, I have choices. 
• I create my reality.
• I create my experiences. 
• The meaning of the communication is the results that I get. 

I was once taught that if you look deeply enough into any given situation where-in you find yourself experiencing anger ... look deeper still and you will discover that a fear is hiding there.This teacher went up to a chalkboard and drew the cap of a mushroom and then its stem. They labeled the cap with "Anger" and the stem with "Fear."

One of the most helpful lessons ever given to me by an instructor to this day. It's an invaluable self check-in.

I'm so grateful today that I am not at the effect of my life, my emotions, or my thoughts. The most they ever get from me is 90 seconds. That's how long you are duped by the amygdala response system - and after that, you have full choice. My boyfriend is my hero on this one. He's gotten so good at identifying the actual sensation that occurs at the beginning of an amygdala hijack that he can even stop it before it gets started and has a chance to take root. He is often able to bypass the whole event. I'm getting there.

(I'll come back and add some exercises I plan to implement in order to work through this stuff. May it be of service to you as well.)